Stories are part of ourselves.
We tell stories to ourselves all the time. “Things will get better,” we say. “You’ll land that dream job, buy that perfect car, own a house, and then—finally—life will be exactly as you imagined.”
It’s the story we’ve been sold, a narrative that promises once we check off all those boxes, we’ll have everything we’ve ever wanted.
Titles are captivating because they abstract and condense what the topic or book, for example, is all about. In your life, you need to get a "Title" that condenses your desires, wants and goals.
But before you let yourself dive into those dreams, there’s something important to consider: expectations.
Many of us are trying to live the lives others have crafted for us—lives sold as picture-perfect dreams. Whether through social media influencers1, success stories, or self-help gurus2, we are constantly bombarded with promises that “everything will be fine” as long as we follow someone else’s path. It’s hope that keeps us moving forward.
Hope, after all, is one of the most powerful human emotions.
But here’s the reality: we are storytelling animals. We tell stories to ourselves to soothe our anxieties and create a narrative that helps us make sense of our world.
Without these stories—without the belief that things can and will get better—what is left? No hope, motivation, or direction.
We become untethered, drifting through life without a sense of purpose.
But why? Why do we need these stories to survive?
I often wonder what made our ancestors decide to journey over the mountain. Why leave the familiar in search of the unknown?
The Power of the Story
From the dawn of time, humans have needed stories3. Our ancestors didn’t have Instagram or LinkedIn to compare themselves to others, but they had something far more potent: the story of survival.
That narrative drove them over mountains, across rivers, and through forests. They told themselves that there would be better land, more food, and a safer place to raise their children on the other side of that hill.
And maybe they didn’t always find what they were looking for, but the story—the hope—pushed them to keep moving.
As it pushes us today, we tell ourselves that if we land that job, buy that house, or check off whatever milestone society deems necessary.
We will finally reach the other side of our mountain.
But the truth is, life isn’t just a series of milestones. It’s not about what happens after you get the job, the house, the car. Those things won’t magically make everything perfect.
We cling to these narratives because they give us control in an unpredictable world.
But what happens when reality doesn’t match the story we’ve told ourselves?
The Problem with Borrowed Dreams
Today’s issue is that many stories we cling to aren’t even our own. Social media feeds us a steady diet of other people’s dreams, polished and curated to perfection.
We subconsciously adopt these narratives when we scroll through highlight reels of vacations, promotions, and luxury purchases. We think I’d be happy too if only I had what they had.
But here's the kicker: those dreams aren't real.
We see online a heavily edited version of life designed to make us feel inadequate enough to chase someone else’s ideal. And when we inevitably fall short of those expectations, we lose hope.
The story breaks down, and we’re left feeling something is wrong with us.
But nothing is wrong with you. The issue lies in the stories we buy into—stories that aren’t ours.
Setting Your Expectations
Before you start dreaming about the next big thing—a promotion, a house, or even a new relationship—it’s critical to set realistic expectations.
Ask yourself, What do I truly want? And more importantly, Why do I like it?
Are you chasing a promotion because it aligns with your long-term goals or what you think you should be doing? Are you dreaming of that perfect house because it genuinely fits your lifestyle or because it’s the next step society tells you to take?
When you clarify your motivations and align your dreams with your values, the stories you tell yourself make more sense.
They become rooted in something real rather than borrowed fantasies, leading to more fulfilment.
The Role of Hope in Our Stories
Hope is a powerful driver. Without hope, we lose the will to push forward.
But hope isn’t enough on its own—it must be grounded in reality. When we tell ourselves stories, we must recognize that not everything will go according to plan.
Life is unpredictable, and even the best-laid plans can go awry.
Think of hope as the fuel that keeps the engine running.
But you still need to steer the car in the right direction. Hope should inspire you to take action, but it should be paired with clear expectations and a willingness to adapt when things are unplanned.
What Drove Our Ancestors Over the Mountain?
So why did our ancestors set out on those great journeys into the unknown? Why did they leave behind everything familiar to climb over mountains and cross vast plains?
The answer lies in a combination of hope and survival. Our ancestors didn’t know what was on the other side of the mountain, but they hoped it would be better than what they had.
They told themselves stories about greener pastures, abundant food, and safety from predators. They believed in a future worth fighting for, even if they couldn’t see it yet.
Today, we aren't battling wild animals or searching for new hunting grounds, but those same primal instincts still drive us.
We’re still seeking something better, something more. But instead of mountains, our challenges are often internal.
We’re trying to overcome self-doubt, fear of failure, and the pressure to live up to other people’s expectations.
Writing Your Own Story
The good news is that, unlike our ancestors, we don’t have to leave everything behind to find our version of success.
We can write our story—to decide what truly matters and what we’re willing to pursue.
It all starts with setting realistic expectations. Instead of chasing after someone else’s dream, take the time to reflect on what you genuinely want. What are your values? The things that bring you joy? What makes you feel fulfilled?
When you focus on these questions, your story becomes more apparent. You’re no longer following a script someone else wrote—you’re writing your narrative that reflects your goals and aspirations.
The Importance of Realism
Of course, even the most personalized story must be grounded in realism. It’s easy to get swept up in dreams of a perfect future, but life is messy.
Things won’t always go according to plan, and that’s okay. What matters is how you respond when they don’t.
This is where the power of resilience comes in. Resilience isn’t about blindly hoping for the best—it’s about adapting when reality doesn’t match the story you’ve told yourself.
It’s about rewriting the narrative when necessary and pushing forward, even when the path gets difficult.
Create Your Journey
We all need stories to navigate life. They give us hope, direction, and motivation. But the key is to make sure your story is your own. Don’t get lost in someone else’s narrative or chase after dreams that don’t align with your values.
Instead, focus on setting clear expectations4 and writing a story that reflects your identity. Your life isn’t a fairy tale and doesn’t need to be.
It’s a messy, unpredictable, and full of surprises-journey.
Why a "Title" for your story? Because it will give you direction.
References
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Expectation_(epistemic) ↩︎
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Influencer_marketing ↩︎
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lifestyle_guru ↩︎
- https://www.beemgee.com/blog/why-do-humans-need-stories-fiction-as-life-simulation/ ↩︎
- https://www.gra.uk.com/blog/the-key-to-accountability-set-clear-expectations ↩︎